ive been trying to be all smiles lately because im sick of being otherwise. but its hard. because im lying to myeslf. im slowing dying and being eaten away inside. see here i am lying to myself and people again. more and more like this person everyday. and it makes me completely miserable. so i laugh my uncomfortable laugh and smile my sick smile and get on with a sad life. there is only one exception to this...and well thats you. because i truly laugh my ass off with you. how can i not. thats the only thing that makes me happy. is just sitting with you. cutting up cows and fish and reading STD pamphlets for our...you know...presentation.
i cant stand that no one even looks at me in the halls anymore. you would walk by as fast as possible if i didnt stop you. i would be invisible if it was in your power. i would be gone if it was in your power. atleast just say fuckng hello to me and act like you fucking care. for once. you wont even read this. you would probably ignore it. so whatever. im done. im fuckng done with everyones fucking shit!
im leaving soon. but ive been gone for awhile now. emotionally and mentally gone. so thank you. for giving me all your fucking shit. i realized today that im so fucking happy in this area now. haha and i heard the same thing twice in a row from two different people. and they are so fucking right!