michelle...your belle (rosekissed) wrote,
michelle...your belle

we'll get there fast and then we'll take it slow

well i found my prom dress.
i like it. but im not too sure how i feel.
i just sigh when i see it. (not because of the dress...)

i forgot how at ease i feel with her.
its an awkward feeling but i sort of miss it.

so i wake up this morning and i cant even lift up my own head. at first i thought that maybe i was paralized but then i remember i have massive whip lash. but you would think it would get better after a few days. no definitely worse. i dont think volleyball helped too much. it actually made it worse obviously. and the worst thing is that i cant tell my mom why it hurts because im pretty sure i would be in deep shit if she found out what really happened. so by the time i realized all that im sitting in my bed crying because i cant move and i cant explain to my mom why it hurts so bad. and now i will be getting a big fucking shit load of crap from my coach. because not only did i miss practice its the practice right after our not so good tournament that i am missing. fuck. karma is such a fucking bitch.

im realizing more and more how i dont think i can move away from certain people. i would go insane without them. i cant even go to phoenix without having a near anxiety attack because i couldnt talk to them or anything.

ps. im jealous. and i hate being jealous. but im so jealous of you because you deserve this more than anything and i hope it works good. and i wont let you run away. im jealous of your ability to find happiness. teach me. i love you.
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